Hi friends! Long time no see! I’ve been so MIA the last month for a perfectly good reason! We are so excited to announce this amazing blessing from the Lord. I still can’t believe it! I’m sharing all about it right here, right now!
“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.”Psalm 127:3
When we went through our miscarriage last year and trying to get pregnant I was always so sad seeing other women get pregnant and have healthy babies. I always kicked myself for not being happy for them. I know that’s wrong but in all honesty it hurt my heart. I would ask God, “Why is this for them and not for me?” When you desire something so much and it doesn’t happen for you as easily it can be really hard. I knew if I ever became pregnant I didn’t want to brag like those women because I know how hard it is for me to see and I don’t want to hurt other women struggling to get pregnant. So if you’re reading this I hope you don’t feel sad but learn to trust God even more. With all your heart! I also hope this gives you peace and hope! God loves you so much and wants the best for you.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”Proverbs 3:5-6
This verse means so much to me because all along when I was so focused on my own wants and needs the Lord had a divine plan for me. I can admit it. This whole time I had my head in the sand. I prayed all the time and felt like I was trusting God. I still had anxiety and fears though. Which I realized that’s not trusting God at all. After this experience my faith has grown leaps and bounds!
Consider your struggles not as confusion and God just isn’t thinking about you. Consider your struggles as a gift. God wants to strengthen you. He knows you are strong enough to go through what you’re going through. He has a plan for you and wants to grow you and bring you closer to him. My mom would ask me this same thing all the time, “Why do you think God is allowing you to go through all of this?” My answer every time: “He wants me to learn to trust him.” That’s just it friends! He wants us to give everything to him. To fully trust his ways and his plans for us. To lean not on our own understanding. If you think about it. How do we know what we want? He knows us inside and out. Our strengths our weaknesses. Our talents and gifts. After all he did make us and created this entire world. When you fully trust God that’s when amazing things happen. Life isn’t perfect but you will start to see God’s blessings in your life.
I want to mention that this is my story, these are my struggles and this is my life. I know a lot of women who have struggled with this topic more than I have. They have had more miscarriages than I have had and they have struggled a long time with getting pregnant. Some women have to spend a lot of money and go through treatments to become pregnant and some still don’t conceive (bless their hearts!). I just want you guys to know that no matter how much of this journey you go through it’s still hard. Losing our first child was hard. Trying again for a child and being unsure of my own body was hard. Even though my journey may seem less hard than others it was still emotionally and physically draining. Although it was tough for me I am still thankful for so much. Thankful for a lot of the hardships God kept me from going through. I also pray for the women who are struggling with becoming mothers. I can’t explain why certain things are happening to you but I pray the Lord will reveal his plans for you.
Health Problems & Confusion
Some of you might remember me talking about how I was having some health problems. This last month has been crazy. Tons of visits to my doctors office, dealing with depression, feeling weak and tired all the time. Feeling so confused about what was going on with my body.
You guys also might remember I was diagnosed with PCOS in 2014. Dealing with that has been hard (you can read about my struggle with PCOS here). Mostly emotionally and mentally. Unlike other women with PCOS I’ve had normal periods. I didn’t have periods when I first found out I had PCOS but by the grace of God I am healed and continue to have normal periods. Most of the time they were a week late but always once a month. I’ve also had a few ultrasounds and my ovaries don’t contain tons of small cysts like most women with PCOS have (very thankful). I almost wondered if I was misdiagnosed but never asked. I just kept trusting the Lord and his plans for me. There is no cure for PCOS except for eating better and exercising. So I started a healthy lifestyle by eating the nutrition my body needs and eating less junk food. Started walking at night every now and then and even lost 10 pounds in 5 weeks! I was feeling great!
In October of 2015 my husband and I had our first miscarriage. It was also my first pregnancy. It was a shock to even become pregnant because I was told having PCOS it would be difficult (at least that’s what I’ve heard). My gynecologist didn’t believe it would be hard for me because I’m young, healthy and unlike some women I had a period every month. She was right. We did become pregnant. After 10 weeks we had our first ultrasound and discovered our baby stopped developing at 8 weeks due to unknown reasons. We were told sometimes it just happens. My body actually didn’t even know our child had stopped developing (silent miscarriage) so that’s why I had no idea I had a miscarriage. I then had a D&C and we tried moving forward from everything. With the help of the Lord we got through it.
About 6 months later we decided it was time to try again. My husband desperately wanted a child and I did too. I had more worries and doubts than him but I knew it was time. After a few months of trying, hoping I was pregnant, starting my period and getting disappointed one time after another I was ready to quit trying. I thought “How did I become pregnant the first time so fast and now it’s taking so long? There must be something wrong with me or maybe it’s not the right time.” There’s an uneasy feeling when you’re told you have a disorder but no one takes it seriously or tells you you’re fine and you can’t see what’s going on inside your body.
Then out of nowhere I started to have bladder pressure. It was coming from the left side of my uterus where my left ovary is located. I also had lower back pain and felt exhausted 24/7. A week went by and the pressure didn’t get worse or decrease. So I knew it wasn’t a bladder infection. Since a week had gone by and I had been watching it I decided to see my doctor. I thought maybe it was a cyst.
All the doctors were booked for the next week but the nurse I spoke with on the phone was so nice and told me I could come in to do a urine sample. No appointment necessary. They got my results back immediately and I wasn’t pregnant and no bladder infection. They decided that meant something else could be wrong.
My doctor was still out of town but they had another doctor I was able to see right away. She took me very seriously (thank the Lord) and had me do another urine sample, did a pelvic exam, did some blood work and ordered an ultrasound. I told her there was no pain. It was just very uncomfortable.
My mother-in-law came with me to this doctor appointment which was also great! She’s a nurse so she helped me remember to ask certain questions. As we were waiting to get my blood drawn I told her I had forgotten to tell the doctor every now and then I would get these hot flashes on my upper body and my face and head would feel so hot for awhile. She instantly thought about my thyroid. She knew from experience of having hypothyroidism that all my symptoms might be the cause of everything. So we asked the doctor to check my thyroid as well as everything else they were checking in my blood work.
A day or so went by and I got my results back. Again, I wasn’t pregnant, all my blood work was normal. In fact they said it looked great but my thyroid was .08 which meant I had hypothyroidism. Normal numbers are between .4 and 4.6 which meant my number was extremely low. I was freaking out. Another issue with my body. I knew with hypothyroidism you could just take medication but I was so upset that I didn’t have a normal, strong, healthy body.
Next thing to do was get my referral approved to see an endocrinologist to start treatment. I was hoping taking one pill a day would change my life and help me feel so much better for good. Maybe even balance my hormones so we could conceive!
While I waited for a phone call from the endocrinologist I went and had an ultrasound during the same week I had seen my primary care doctor. A long few days later I got my results and they had told me I had a large cyst on my left ovary that ruptured (which was causing the bladder pressure) but that I would be okay. They also said I had no other cysts. All great news! I was praising God I was able to have the bladder pressure which brought me into my doctor’s office to discover my low thyroid. Eventually my bladder pressure actually went away too!
Another week went by and I was getting frustrated I was not getting that call from the endocrinologist. I had called them several times and they acted like they could not do anything to make things go faster. There was a long waiting list. The doctor had to review my referral and call me to make an appointment with me. So I decided to just be patient and keep praying everything would work out. I then got a call from my primary doctor’s nurse and they told me the endocrinologist wanted me to go in and give another blood sample to test my T3 and T4. This is the function of the thyroid. Results came back and both the T3 and T4 came back normal. What? How does that work? I was so confused. I then had to wait another week for the endocrinologist to call me again.
In the mean time I was still feeling exhausted and just resting every day. Wasting my days away. My husband and I had stopped trying for a baby because of the thyroid issues and how it can cause harm to children. We wanted to wait until I was healed and my levels were normal again.
The Big Surprise
Another week went by and one day I went to take a shower before my husband came home from work. I looked in the mirror and noticed my breasts looked abnormally large, they were sensitive to the touch and hurt all over. I was freaking out even more. Like what the heck is wrong with me?! I was very late on my period but I just expected that to be normal because of the cyst and all my stress. In the past week I was also very hormonal and had cramps here and there so I thought I was going to start my period. Sore breasts can also be a sign of your period coming but this was different. Out of the 100 pregnancy tests I’ve taken in the past few months I thought why not?! So I took one and almost instantly the test was a bright solid blue positive. I almost fell off the toilet! I did not expect this at all.
I was so confused. How could I have two negative tests in the last two weeks and now have a strong positive?! We weren’t even trying to get pregnant either! We had tried for a couple months and then stopped due to my health problems.
My husband was at work so I decided I would wrap the test up and surprise him as if it were a present. He had no idea what it was when he came home! I called my mom and we were praising God and freaking out. It was a miracle!
Once all the excitement was dialed down I then started to fear so many things because I was still not treated for my low thyroid. I had also heard that sometimes large cysts can cause the pregnancy hormone. I went from happy to disappointed. What if I wasn’t pregnant and it was just from my ruptured cyst? How could I be so excited one minute and then so scared the next? It was Friday afternoon so I had to wait until Monday morning to call my doctor. The most nerve wrecking weekend ever! Over the weekend I took several different brands of tests and all were positive. How could I not believe a positive test meant that I was pregnant?
Monday rolled around and first thing in the morning I called my doctor’s office and the endocrinologist. Of course I prepared myself for no one wanting to help me. From past experiences no doctor’s, nurses or receptionists ever seemed to care about me or want to help me. I wonder what has happened to this world and why people just don’t do their jobs anymore. Anyway, the receptionist at my doctors office was nice but told me she couldn’t help me so she would send a note to a nurse and have them call me back. The receptionist at the endocrinologist said she couldn’t find my referral and that the specific person that deals with referrals was out of the office on Mondays. She would try to find it and get back to me. 3 hours went by and no calls from anyone. I just started crying my eyes out because I felt helpless. I waited all weekend to get help. I was so worried about this baby’s health if there was actually one inside of me. After wanting a baby for so long and struggling with getting pregnant what if we lost this baby? I was freaking out. “Why is no one helping me and why hasn’t God done anything for me?!” I put my hands together and prayed the longest most specific prayer asking God to have his hand in all of this. To pick the perfect person/nurse to help me and actually care. I also told him and shouted “I fully put my trust in you! I trust you! Please help me!”
I also told him and shouted “I fully put my trust in you! I trust you! Please help me!”
Not even 5 minutes later my phone rang and it was a nurse from my doctor’s office. I told her what was going on with me and she said she could hear the urgency in my voice and how worried I was and she was going to help me! She said she wanted me to come in for some quick blood work to see if I was for sure pregnant. She also said she was going to personally call the endocrinologist and tell them to get their act together and put a rush on everything because this was urgent. I was in shock. My prayers were answered so fast and this lady was more than amazing. She was so helpful and easy to talk to. She told me “She was just doing her job!”
So I immediately got ready and went and got my blood drawn again. They were going to check my hormone levels and for sure find out if I was growing a sweet baby inside of me. My mother-in-law (also a nurse) told me to have them test my thyroid again because they never did again when they tested my T3 and T4. With no hesitation they said they would test my thyroid for me.
I went home and prayed and prayed they would call me with my results super fast. I then got a call from the endocrinologist saying she apologized for being so unorganized and that my referral was on the doctors desk. They would call me to make an appointment in the next day. Things started looking up!
3 hours later my phone rang again and it was that amazing nurse I had talked to earlier. She said she wanted to personally call me and give me my test results. She then said, “So if your test is positive are you going to be happy and do you have a good support system?” I said, “Of course! My husband and I have been trying for a baby and last year we actually had a miscarriage so it would be a huge blessing.” She then said, “Well miss Morgan you are 100% pregnant congratulations!… and do you want to hear some more good news? Your thyroid results came back too and your numbers are normal. I don’t know how but your thyroid is just fine!”
She then said, “Well miss Morgan you are 100% pregnant congratulations!… and do you want to hear some more good news? Your thyroid results came back too and your numbers are normal. I don’t know how but your thyroid is just fine!”
I started crying tears of joy! I couldn’t stop. I have never felt a miracle from God like that before. You feel it through your whole body. I was shaking! The nurse also told me in all her years and in all my doctors years they have NEVER seen this happen before. They were in even more shock than me! They told me my doctor would personally call the endocrinologist and talk to them. I WAS HEALED AND PREGNANT. I knew this was 100% God and this is just what he does! He does things in the most perfect way (crying again while I write this). He just wants us to trust him and put everything in his hands. He’s got this! Doctors can do things but God is a God of miracles and he is the one ultimately in control even when you think he’s not there. I felt so terrible for not trusting him in the beginning and at the same time feeling like I was on a cloud. This was all so crazy!
God wanted me to keep pressing through. We are over joyed and still in complete shock. I never knew this could happen to me but let me tell you this! If you are going through a similar struggle. Don’t give up. Don’t let it crush your spirit. Keep asking God to help you. He will guide you. Even if you don’t end up with what you wanted (if it’s a baby that you want) he will give you something better! You may not even know what’s best for you until he gives it to you. He might even just be building your testimony! Isn’t he always? Just hang on and trust him. Just like a Father teaches and directs his children he will guide you and has the best plans for you!
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”Jeremiah 29:11
I just want to mention that things may not go as planned with this pregnancy. Things could go wrong or they could turn out amazing. All I know is I trust in my God and know he knows whats best for me. He has blessed my husband and I so much in our lives already so I know whatever happens we will be more than okay!
Baby’s First Ultrasound
On the 23rd of August we had our first ultrasound. Man was it nerve wrecking! Surprisingly the way I was feeling that morning was so different than our last pregnancy. I was numb and felt nothing. I just wanted an answer. Heartbeat or no heartbeat? My mom and my husband sat in the waiting room with me just like last time. One year later in the same place with the same two people. Very weird. The ultrasound tech called my name and we headed into the room! It was also the same tech as last time. Same everything! I was surprised I wasn’t having an anxiety attack. Cody (my husband) held my hand and we looked up at the screen. It was so surreal. In one second we would either see a heartbeat or get some terrible news again. WE SAW A HEARTBEAT! The ultrasound tech said “here’s your baby and there’s the strong heartbeat.”
I started crying and was in complete shock. I never thought I would ever get to experience this moment. It is the craziest experience! Knowing you have a little life inside of you with a heartbeat! It was even moving around. It happened so fast and I just wanted to lay there and watch our baby for as long as I could. She told us they thought I would be 11 weeks but I was actually measuring 8w2d and the heartbeat was 160. I then went to my next appointment with my OBGYN. Everything went great and she told me to come back in 2 weeks for another ultrasound to check on the baby. Just because last time we had our miscarriage so early she wanted to schedule another ultrasound earlier than the usual 20 week ultrasound so I would have some peace of mind.
Baby’s Second Ultrasound
On September 9th at 10w5d pregnant I had my second ultrasound. Again I was pretty numb. I felt like the Lord gave me complete peace and made me feel like no matter what happens I would be okay. Life would go on. For this ultrasound I had my mother-in-law and sister-in-law go with me. It was different than the normal ultrasound. I didn’t see an ultrasound tech but my own OBGYN. She had a tiny handheld ultrasound machine and we just needed to see that little heartbeat. She started to search for that baby and there he/she was! I froze for a moment because the baby wasn’t moving but then I saw its heartbeat flickering away! Such a relief. Baby was measuring perfectly and she said by the looks of the heartbeat it was maybe 150. It all happened so fast but I can tell you I felt so happy and any anxieties that I had completely went away. I was told I would probably worry the entire pregnancy that something bad would happen but seeing our baby at almost 11 weeks growing and not measuring behind I felt like this is it! It’s really happening! I wasn’t able to get a photo because it wasn’t a legit ultrasound machine so the next time I will actually see an ultrasound tech is at my 20 week appointment. My OBGYN is so compassionate though and told me I can come in and see her anytime to check our baby’s heartbeat. I might take her up on that!
I am now 12w5d and feeling better than the last few weeks. I had terrible morning sickness and literally every terrible pregnancy symptom you can think of the first 11 weeks (which I was enduring and staying positive through because that meant my body was producing the pregnancy hormone!). Once I hit 11 weeks the sickness went away but then it came back stronger… I can feel it going away more and more everyday (some days are worse than others). Let’s just say I can tolerate it now. It’s the norm for me.
Thank you so much for stopping by today and sharing in my joy and this special moment in our lives! I’d love to chat with you! So if you are in a season of struggle, have lost hope or feel confused please don’t be afraid to reach out to me! We are in this together! Thank you so much for reading my story. I hope (if I have time) to continue sharing this pregnancy and my life with you guys!